Yesterday I was so inspired by one of my colleagues and it really stuck with me. Enough that I am back on the very blog I have been avoiding for a while as I try to navigate what the last few months have been like in a very tumultuous time in my life.

We’re learning if we have jobs in about a week, possibly a little bit later than that. There aren’t enough for all of us and we know that. There could be people that are sitting on job offers for other parts of the company, but we don’t know. We just know right now the climate is strange and we’re all staring at each other wondering which boat we’re going to be in and if we’re going to be employed after the next 7 months. It’s strange.

In our meeting yesterday, one of my peers shared that she didn’t post for any of the job opportunities. We were shocked. She just didn’t want to post. She didn’t want to stress in her life and she seemed completely and utterly at peace with the decision that she made. We’re not particularly close, but in that moment I was just so impressed with her.

I didn’t apply for all the positions that were available and I think I am at peace with it but some days I am not so sure. I haven’t actually admitted that to most people, in part because they haven’t asked and in part because I am trying to convince myself if next week comes and I don’t get a job offer I am going to be totally fine with it. I want to be totally fine with it because I want to be that kind of person – the person that my colleague is.

She’s not going to have a job in 7 months and she seems completely contented and happy with life. She’s going to pursue something, but she doesn’t know what and it doesn’t bother her. She’s not making plans. She’s just going to ride this out till the building closes and then she’s going to figure out her next steps. I can’t help but think how freeing that feeling must be to not be bogged down by this entire process, but instead to be able to come to work, enjoy what you do and then go home every night, leaving it there, knowing the impact it has on your life and no longer being in limbo about it because you’re not waiting for an outcome. It may seem like I am romanticizing this, and to a degree I am sure I am, but that just seems like a really nice place to be.

Over the last few months, Ryan and I have talked a lot about the future and what it looks like. It’s basically been the only thing we’ve talked about. Every night we have similar conversations that are just basically us word vomiting out what we feel that day about the situation. It’s been kind of great in a lot of ways – we’re communicating a ton and we’re really leaning on each other. We talk a lot about what our lives will look like depending on where we end up and we’re extremely optimistic about everything, but we also sit in a constant state of not knowing and that’s the place we’ve been in for almost three months. It’s daunting to be there, but yet to have to go to work every single day and stay engaged, keep your people engaged, empathize with them and their situation, knowing your situation is similar or possibly worse than theirs. It’s a lot to take in and it can be entirely draining. Couple that with school, with a pregnancy, with a toddler and you have a recipe for what could feel like the most stressful period of your life. Taking a page from the book of my colleague, I’m reminding myself and my peers that this is not within our control, but it is almost over. 🙂

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