Public shaming your significant other – maybe not the best look

Everyone’s spouse irritates them at some point in their lives (some definitely more than others). In the current day and age that we live in, it seems like people can’t seem to step away from the computer when it comes to airing both the positives and the negatives, but really, should we be publicly shaming the person that we’re dating or married to? I’d argue that those things are best kept private.

There’s nobody in this world that’s going to forgive your spouse/SO for their transgressions against you faster than you are. Posting something in the moment creates an opportunity for other people to come together and voice their opinions on a situation that really doesn’t involve them at all. In general, it either results in dog piling the person that you married and may or may not be in the wrong (it really depends on the situation) or it results in a lot of people telling you that you shouldn’t be feeling the way you’re feeling. Neither of those are solutions. Neither of those are helpful.

Not only did it not solve anything, now it’s out there for the world to see. This is the face that you’re putting forward. I am not saying avoid being real. Be real. Post whatever you want on your timeline, but consider your audience. How many people do you have on your Facebook that are going to see this? How many of those people do you talk to regularly? How many of those people get their news about YOUR life from your timeline? Now ask yourself what you want to them to think about your spouse? Do you want them to think that person is a bad person? People make rash judgments. I’d venture to guess that you might not always put out there the good things that person does, so if you taint their reputation with the negative, nobody is going to remember the positive. It’s the same reason scandals make headlines over those feel good stories. They get clicks. They get views.

Even if someone doesn’t comment on your post, that doesn’t mean they didn’t read it. It doesn’t mean they didn’t screenshot it and it sure doesn’t mean they didn’t send it to 15 of their closest friends to discuss it. How do you feel now knowing that it is potentially immortalized somewhere and that someone somewhere is possibly talking about your family and maybe not with the highest regard? It’s not great. It’s just not a great look.

In my marriage, I have friends that I vent to. I am not immune to getting irritated. In fact, I am probably more irritable than most people. I don’t go venting to the world, though. I respect my husband enough to keep what is truly between us, between us. It’s none of their business. I find my close friends who not only know me well, but know my husband well and are friends with both of us and I ask their advice, or I tell them that I just need to vent for a second. These are the same people that I tell all the good things to as well. They don’t get a one-sided depiction and these people provide a level-headed response if I need it and they sulk with me when I am just looking for company. At the end of the day though, they forgive, knowing that the brief snippet they just saw is not the main storyline of my life.

I do not vent to my husband’s sisters about my  husband. I don’t vent to my own mother or my family member about my husband. There are people out there that are CHOOSING to love my husband and I want them to love him. I don’t want them to ever think that he is less than he is and I don’t want them to ever get some idea in their heads that one day he was having an off day and that’s what the color of his personality is. It’s not. That’s not fair to him at all.

Protect the people you love – and that includes their image. It doesn’t mean post sunshine and rainbows when that’s not truly what your life is like, it just means don’t do the opposite either if that’s also truly not what your life is like. You don’t want that bad day to leave a  bad taste in everyone else’s mouth and I’d venture to guess that once it all boils down, you’re not going to want people to dog on your husband forever. What feels good now might now be the recipe for the best future.

We all need someone to lean on, so definitely lean. We also all have different levels of tolerance for how open we are with our lives in a public setting. I would never publicly blast my husband about anything because it doesn’t solve my problem. Going and talking to him about the issue is what is ultimately going to solve our problem – in private. Where (I personally feel) it is more appropriate to hash things out.

We don’t keep things to ourselves anymore. I understand wanting to share your joys with your family members. I live 1500 miles away from all the people I love most in the world. Facebook keeps us together and we’re able to talk to each other and stay in the know about things that are going on in our lives. It’s a blessing and it’s a curse, but considerations absolutely need to be made about when and how people use it. The last thing you want is to slander your own reputation by being “that wife” or slander your husband’s in the heat of the moment.

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