I shared a post a few days ago about a baby who recently passed away in his crib. You might be familiar because this post has been shared considerably to raise awareness. I shared this in support of the grieving mother of Sloan DeRosier to let her know (along with many others) that we are thinking about her and while we can never feel her pain the way she does, we grieve too.
It’s a tragedy losing a child. I cannot imagine walking into my daughter’s room only to never wake her up again. It’s also a tragedy and an outrage how people have reacted to it and it’s a good reminder that my very defensive self needs to stay out of the comments section on articles.
Many people are passing judgment. This mom, Jordan, knew this was going to happen when she put her story out there. She was first attacked by people who claimed vaccines killed her child (why are we still talking about this?) and blamed her for getting him vaccinated. Now that the real story has come out, people are blaming her for many other reasons.
“Why didn’t she go check on him?”
“Why did she put him to sleep with a blanket? After all, it’s common sense NOT to put your kid to sleep with a blanket.”
“This would never happen to my kids. I always check on them 3247983472384 times a night.”
To all of you out there who think you’re the perfect parent, I implore you to take so many seats and shut up.
I too, was like you once. I would read these articles and I would think to myself that these things would never happen to me. That I would always strap my kid into a car seat correctly, never practice unsafe sleeping habits, breastfeed till they were 15, never let them watch TV because it’s bad for them and always play with my child when they asked.
Then I actually became a parent and realized how full of shit I was and that the dishes don’t do themselves and maybe you can’t even breastfeed at all and sometimes your kid prefers a tablet over playing with you. You see, even pediatricians give differing advice, but we trust them because they’re doctors. Many pediatricians give the advice that you can put your kid to bed with a blanket when they move and crawl and stand because “they’re old enough that if they’re uncomfortable, they’ll move.” Then you’ve got grandma and grandpa who are like “well back in the day when we walked up hill both ways to school we always did (insert something here) with our kids and we lived.” Then you’ve got the mommy blogs. Then you’ve got the internet articles, some researched well, some not. However well intentioned, not all advice is good advice, yet we’re all expected to wade through it.
At the end of the day, as a parent, you’re just trying to do the best you can. You’re just trying to enjoy the small moments and get through the rough ones. It’s the fear of judgment and retribution from people that makes parents so scared they’ll mess things up.
Jordan is just a parent trying to make it through the day. Jordan is just someone who went through the same actions she’d done many times before. Jordan is just like me. Jordan is just like you (if you’re a mom). She’s just like all of us, trying to do the best thing for our kids.
So please, if you’re going to judge, shut it. People across the country are learning from Sloan. This is Sloan’s legacy. There are babies who are sleeping safer and more soundly because this mom came out and told you what happened to her baby and maybe it gave you pause. Maybe it made you type “safe sleep habits” into Google. It touched you. She will never get to tuck her child into bed ever again, remember that before you comment. If your first reaction is any of the above mentioned judgments, you’re missing the point.